oh jesus. did i ever have an emotional breakdown tonight. i'm sorry, i keep my emotions under wraps these days. i try my hardest not to be the typical female. i like to feel stronger than myself. but somefuckingtimes i just can't take anymore...
so i sat in my broken-down car.. and cried for a while. & i don't mean sweet little smidgen of a tear descending down the cheek, lady-like cry. i mean hard, deep, REAL, from the fucking heart cry.
i still ask no one to donate their pity. hence why i never went inside to display my puffy, swollen eyes. i was more ashamed of myself than anything. i just couldn't stop. i thought i never would. i apologize to myself. how uncomfortable.
now all that clouds my mind is visions and fantasies of a beach where i lay with my baby. soaking up some sun. pondering life and it's greatness, as i have before. but something will be profoundly different than it was before... i have grown. i know of puppy love and its dangers. i'm not sure what this is, but i like it. its more grown-up. comfortable. safe... yet worth delving deeper into.
yet the question seeps into my brain-cloud.. would it be the same, were circumstances normal?

i don't want to know. i'm sure i will soon enough. as of now, ignorance will be my bliss. naivety will suffice. we shall see..

goodnight world. you're looking prettier than usual.

btw: