oooh i hear the jets flying around outside. i love that :)
& there's a squirrel in that backyard.. & a cardinal. cute!


Libra... Unfinished tasks at work pull you out of your reverie, even as your key planet, Venus, is stimulated by excessive Jupiter. It's tough walking away from sweet pleasantries, but if you let yourself fall into a self-indulgent situation, it might take days to dig your way out. It's healthier to flirt around the edges and save yourself from the embarrassment of overdoing it.

"Thursday, October 25, 2007
Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)

You have kept your secrets long enough and finally you get to tell others what you've known all along. Don't blurt out everything in one quick sentence. The shock value may be high, but you'll need to put in extra time cleaning up the damage. Slowing down your delivery is a smart strategy. The more patient you are, the better others will respond to your disclosure."

HEH!
iFuckingLoveYouRyan!!!!!!!!
ooops!
how's that for shock value? :)

yeah, okay that horoscope could've applied to other things. but i'm not ready...

nite nite beautiful, gorgeous world :)

ah, what a weight seems to have been lifted. i got a check from the GDOL today. *phew!* & i start work monday.. i think. maybe that's just the paperwork but nevertheless i HAVE a job. & another check on the way. & i'm gonna keep gettin' em till i get my first paycheck. HA! >:P take that!
so the pieces of my crumbling world have begun to fall back into place, as i have been waiting for them to. it's bunches easier to keep my spirits up now. i'm sure something will pop up and fuck it all up, but hey.. i'm optimistic. like, my car. i need new tags. gonna try to get that done this week. with my luck it won't pass emissions & i'll have to pay a small fortune (in my opinion) to get it fixed. i want to sell that piece of shit. it's really love/hate with my car. i love her for being my first car and she DOES get me from A to B.. but she's fucking anxiety inducing and aggravating as hell. ah well.. not gonnna worry about anything tonight. as soon as the figures of authority go to bed, i'm gonna get a little drink on & have a little one on one celebration with myself for FINALLY starting to get a sense of how things are gonna be. got somewhat of a plan for the next few months constructed in my busy little brain. i like planning things out. they rarely become reality but it gives me something to think and be excited about instead of sitting around feeling like i'm just existing here as sad little depressing a waste of life. :) rollercoaster, up? ...probably. ehh! i'm enjoying it while it lasts. :D

nite nite world.
tis' possible i will return before the night's end, as i feel like writing... we shall see.

ah, i feel fanfuckingtabulastical (that SHOULD be a real word, dammit!). just got back from a.. oh.. 1½ hour walk, give or take. i'm no exaggerator, it clears the head and kills the stress. so yes, i think i mentioned already that i got laid off. i've been spending most of the last few days trying to find a new job with very little success. yes, today i had an interview with Starbucks but little miss pessimist doesn't want to get her hopes up. even if it was the funnest interview i've ever had. the chick was laid back and down to earth and (gasp!) capable of holding a decent conversation. hmm. didn't know people like that were still out there. i thought i'd found them all. nice when life throws little pleasant surprises one's way. so yes, i got home and wrote down
my little brain fart that i came up with on my pedal excursion. that's why i love walking so much. despite my shoes having their way with my feet (ouch :[), it ignites my creativity and i come up with stuff and am inspired to say things like "ignites my creativity" :P
lately i've been wondering why i have so much trouble showing this side to people. anyone. even close relatives and friends. the part of me i poor into this blog is a part of me i barely ever show anyone in person. people like angie.. i don't feel judged by angie. i guess that's why we always end up friends in the end. she accepts me and has that live-and-let-live way about her. i don't feel analyzed or surveyed so i'm comfortable with mentally crawling out from my shell. it's not that i have nothing to say, when i'm quiet. nor is it that i'm scared to speak. i'm just arrogant and don't feel anyone is worth sharing my thoughts with, because most people can't see past their own rectums far enough to be able to genuinely relate or even care.. I do so love to be appreciated. So yes, i think so highly of myself (just like the rectum people.. i'm just like them, yet i don't trust them? i must not trust myself then, either (pfft! i've known this). IRONY!) and want so much NOT to be alone in my ideas and notions that i keep them to myself because i'd rather be silent and an enigma than open and misunderstood. i am my own little paradox. damn, i love myself. :D i'm all kinds of schizophrenia and dysfunction.
anywho, back on topic.. there are others i feel that comfortable around, but their boys.. i never trust their intentions to be completely sincere. ravenous, plotting shitfucks. i agree, i am that great, but our reasons don't agree. ugh. i'm glad a good one found me.
oh i make little sense, but i explain my nonsense well! i think. i could go on and on about nothing for hours, right now. who's got the time to read it? :P

i'm held in a thin frame
with too much decoration
but i only look below
when i know nobody's looking
lying in the grass
where i caught the final notion
of life and love and death
and their tightly spun relations
so i'd better get on home
because my feet are killing
summoning the hurt
pain piercing illusion
i shimmer at the points
and i can smell the changes
i'll release the fatal poison
yeah, i'm breathing in the ocean

well i didn't think i had the best birthday, seeing as how i was the first to pass out and i've been ...off.. lately. but, this has been one of the best birthdays i've had, now that i think about it. so many people remembered. i heard from people i never thought i would hear from. it was very nice.
mentally, i've been quite a wreck for some reason. i'm starting to notice, i get this way every year around this time. maybe i have some seasonal anxiety thing going on. but i'm doing my best to keep myself in one piece and keep moving along. gets pretty scary..
but i'm still here & i'm not going anywhere.

anywho.. lots n lots has happened since the 17th of September (my brother's bday - fun fact :P) first off, my first day back from my vacation i got laid off. hooray! a few days later i applied for the same job at the competing company's office :) ha. take THAT you bastards! got a call from them an hour or so later then got myself an interview for this tuesday. i'm very excited.
second, angie wants to move in with chris and she's pushing it for this month. so i may very well be living back at my sister's house again. can't lie, i did kinda miss it. & staying at that apartment felt more like solitary confinement after a long mind-numbing day at work. so i think i'll have my head on a little straighter if i'm back around people. yeah, i did passionately LOVE the privacy and "me time" but i can still get that at my sister's place. i'll be paying rent. it's been almost a year since i've lived here. might not be much but i've come to find, i change quite frequently and a year has made a great bit of difference in me.
speaking of, i turned 20 two days ago. i do feel older than this time last year. i've grown up a lot. certain things about me are completely different. i'm more ....responsible? i'm not longer comfortable in a lazy rut, as i used to be before. i never wanted to grow up, but i'm not hating it. i'm so ready to take control of my life and get the ball rolling with everything that should have started long, long ago.
i genuinely hate this roller coaster ride. but i am on the best part of it. almost at the top, at the point where there's still gravity but you can see the peak coming. or is it the peak? i dunno. i just feel really content tonight. i do love change. *sigh*
damn.. i thought my life was getting fucking BO-RING! this is just what i needed i think. i know i'm crazy for being happy about losing my job and breaking a lease to move back into a place i didn't really like in the past...
but i dunno. i just have that "everything's gonna be just fine" feeling. it's weird. i don't think anything can get to me tonight.

& since i've written a novel..
i bid the world goodnight. :)