mmkay so i have a buttload of updates for this biotch.
most importantly, i no longer live with my sister. she kicked me out because we disagree in more areas than not and that place was pure hell. now, we get along OKAY but i think there's still some tension bubbling below the surface. not enough to mess anything up at work, tho.
as far as the other sister goes.. well.. i have no idea. i don't care to think about it because i believe whether or not i'm liked changes with the direction the wind blows. it's dumb. it's unnecessary. i'm no closer to sweating it than i was when it first began.
ANYwho..
so i'm staying at steven's now. i'm stressed and still getting used to it, but i feel strangely happy. :) it's not permanent, but i think my stay here will be a splendiforous one.
on the ninth, i start working at OUC again. so i'll pretty much be working from 10am-9:??pm. that is unless people at work continue to brush off all the problems at work on me & i get fired. it's SERIOUS bullshit. i'm told i'm doing something wrong... i pay extra attention to every little detail. i GET SHIT DONE, yet somehow it doesn't show. i don't fucking understand. i think they assume it's a matter of pride. i assure you, it is not. i can admit when i've messed up, no matter how many times i have. and i can SWEAR MY LIFE on it.. i have been doing everything i'm supposed to do. i'm not saying i'm perfect. with so many details, i'm sure there are a couple things i've overlooked or made booboo's on. but i've been putting myself through anxiety every fucking day of work to make sure that i DO EVERYTHING RIGHT. once again, my best has proven to just not be good enough. fucking bullshit. i don't know what else i can do. i don't know how many times i have said that and i'm beginning to think no one is listening to me.
assfuck isn't at work this week. yesterday was one of the most pleasant i've ever had at that place. coincidence? who knows? (hardly.)
hmm, have i left anything out?
guess i should throw in the mushy details of my love life. :)
Ryan called me sunday.. and i think ...was it last wednesday? possibly thursday. maybe even friday. i just know he called me twice within a week's time. *sigh* twas nice. that's all i shall reveal of the inner workings of my fondness for him. can't say too much & jinx myself. :/
oh yeah, the beast machine was fixed on sunday.. she needs an oil change. i'm deciding whether or not i should wait till i get paid (two weeks) or just go ahead and spend a little of my gas money on an oil change. hmm. i shall consult someone with knowledge of these things.
*exhales* there i think that pretty much covers everything.
now all i can do is sit and wait for live to throw something else my way.

getting ready for work would be a good idea right about now.
ta ta, world!

lael and i just had a GIGANTIC argument, as we tend to. but, she's never quite said "have a nice life" before. not that i for one second believe that shit. & quite honestly, i'm not phased. she's NOT the sister i used to know. she's been heading in a real undesirable direction as far as her personality goes, for a long time.
she's the most judgmental, superficial, self absorbed person i know.
yes, she has helped me a lot. not that anyone owes me anything, but i was not my responsibility at the age of 16. where the fuck was i gonna go?! MOM should be thanking her. if not for lael, i would've probably ended up in a foster home. and right now, i'm beginning to question whether or not that would've made a big difference. my family alienates me; i alienate my family. but, oh wait, it's not BAD when they do it, because they're so farther ABOVE me. what the fuck? get the fuck over yourselves. you treated me more like an equal when i was 12. i guess it's a family trend to hate people more when they start forming their own opinions. jesus fucking christ, am i not allowed to be my own person?!?! who the fuck cares what i think anyway? why can't they just accept that i'm not them.. i will NEVER be them... i am who I am and who i am alone. they can't change that.
if, the only way lael is content with me is by my taking orders from her like a little bitch, then i'm sorry lael. i don't compromise myself for the comfort of ANYONE. you have known this for a long time.

i'm out of shit to say. i'm just disappointed.
i care about myself... that's not a bad thing. i wish people would stop trying to make me feel like it is. if i don't care about myself, who will? they get pissed when i sit around and expect help from them, they get pissed when i do things for myself and want them to stay out of it..................

FUCK
you!

how can i possibly feel like this? honestly. right now, he's so many miles away. but he's still here. all the time. i can't get rid of him. i feel foolish :) and silly and ...BLAH!

but i don't give a fuck. and i really can't talk about it. really. i don't know what to do with myself. it's like every emotion at once. i'm fantastic!

GOD listen to me.
any fuckin who..
work's... work. very very repetitive. monotonous. boring. but i know it's money, so i'm content. :)
and there's really nothing else to say. content is so boring. *sigh* :) but it's a nice break from being pissed off at everything.
i get my car friday, if all goes well. i'm fucking ecstatic. can't wait. '84 cutlass. a mere two more days till i'm gangsta! hah.
mmkay, i'm out. enough cheese for one night.


GOODNIGHT WORLD!!
i'm glad we're back on good terms. love you, bitch. :)

so i now halfway own a car :)
it's gonna be a fucking bitch, money-wise. i'm just trying to think positively and tell myself i can do this. i'm so excited!!!
THANKS A FUCKING MILLION TIMES A MILLION STEVEN!!!!
:D
this time next week, i may just be boundless :)
ugh.. i can't wait. everyone send me good vibes!! lol i'm gonna be extra nice to everyone i come across, just in case that karma stuff actually IS.
this world seems like such a nicer place now that i know there are VERY decent people in it. i would be nothing without you guys.
i have nothing but gratitude.

have a fantabulastical night, world!
:D

(jeez, what's with all the smiley faces??)