so here i am, waiting for my white chocolate chip cranberry cookies to finish baking. i mae the turkey marinade, when psycho-murderer on the turkey and started marinading it. i've had about 5 glasses of water in the last 30 minutes to keep myself from eating too much lol. i'm stuffed. mostly with water, but stuffed.
this is my first year doing a significant amount of cooking for.. anything, really.
it is chaos. it is fun. :) i did burn my thumb, to my displeasure, checking on my precious cookies. i tasted the batter, and its freakin' killer. so i'll have a taste when they're done, then NO ONE touches them till tomorrow.
i'm so excited. :D i'm probably not even gonna eat a whole lot tomorrow. don't get me wrong, i will be eating a good bit. but i'll mostly be stalking everyone and making sure that they love my fewd!
i even got a little exfoliation on my hands! :D from the sugar in the cookie batter. i mixed the cranberries and w.c. chips in with my hands cuz i didn't want them to fall apart.
you are fascinated by this blog. i know. i would be too. hah.
unfortunatly, tho, i must go. my cookies are done. and i'm getting up at 6 to start the turkey. yay! good fun.

Goodnight, world.
Happy almost Thanksgiving.

Today, I drown the fish
that swims in circles
around my head.
I'll fill a box
with machines and clocks
to leave in my fishy's stead

I'll trick the moon
to push the tide
far, far away from me.
I'll sing my hatred songs
once more
and succomb to my blinding greed.

i had some weird dreams last night.
in the first i was pregnant, and big, and decided to keep it. hah.
the second, i was on a rollercoaster with a bunch of people. i was in the front car. i was freaking out at first, then i loved it. (i always love rollercoasters so i don't know why i was freaking out) and everytime i expected it to be over, it would keep on going. i woke up before the end.

hmm.

the end.

wow.
i was just preparing to sit down and rant about how my mom's worthless piece of fucking shit friend is taking damn near forever to clean my future laptop, when i heard her phone vibrating behind me. (the computer room is the guest room & she is babysitting tonight) now, i'm usually not one to snoop. i can respect privacy, unless i've got nothing better to do, lol.
so, i walked over to the bed where her cellphone was charging beside her snoring self. i was expecting to see who was calling her at such a late hour (around 3ish) and opened her phone, once it stopped vibrating. it was my sister, so i just cleared out everything. to my suprise, her wallpaper is me! *shock*
this horrible picture she took of me one day when she gave me a ride to walmart or something. i remember that day. i was pissed off for no reason but put on a happy, jokey face so no one would ask questions.
i'm just... honestly at a loss of words. why am i of all people, her wallpaper?! we have not been getting along as well as we could be, lately. we were even bitchy to eachother, just tonight!
i'm usually not one to get mushy and "aww", deep down, but that plucked a heartstring. i NEVER expected that.
AND!!!!!!!
sometimes, when i feel like writing something out, i think of music to play that can maintain the mood so i don't lose it before i get it down (helps maintain my train of thought... i'm weird...?) so, this time i heard "the dumbing down of love" by frou frou in my head. i was looking for the CD to put on before i started writing.
i put it on and pulled up Blogger when, to my suprise, "The Dumbing Down of Love" started playing. that would mean track #11 came on randomly on its own..... wtf? i was shocked. what is going on here. weird.
so, being the easily influenced child that i am, it has put me in a wonderlous mood! :)
i have nothing to write about. i am listening to Frou Frou <3.
am all i need. i am all i want.
*big ass smile*

goodnight, world! :)

so, i've [my blog has] gotten hits from places like singapore, germany, isreal.... and wisconsin!!! i'm like totallii populAr! RLY, yawl!!
hah.
so i'm pretty gawd dayum exhausted. got like 5 hours of sleep last night. boo. i would've gotten more if i hadn't gotten online and said stupid shit on here. *deleting as i speak....type....* i was reading some of my first blogs from the pathetic period of life. saddening. i've come a long way. i've fixed myself up damn good, if i may say so.... yes, i may. people LOVE me!
so i'm gonna go delete those few blogs that i feel are thoroughly NOT accurate representation of my awesome self.
yes, i have an ego tonight. why? i cannot tell what i do not know. i've just been in a great mood all day. i think my sort of sleep deprivation has fogged my brain... works for me! :)

so...
uhmm...

water is pretty much the shit. i love it. its great.
mom's supposed to be here (ahh! i dropped the cap to my water bottle! but i caught it with the top of my foot.. i am GOD!) any minute. my sister is getting ready for work. my nephew is ...somewhere here. last night (i was babysitting) he was scared to go to sleep alone, so i gave him "Pig", my stuffed doggy puppet animal that i've had since i was his age, and he passed out. it was sweet. but now he wants Pig. *sniff* i'm torn. i guess he can BORROW him.
ew, i cannot stop being drowsy! this is unfair! i shouldn't have let my nephew chase me on rollerskates around the house. it was fun though.
maybe i'll try to catch a few z's before mom gets here. we're probably going to end up swinging by Harry's so i can refill on my vitamins. 5-htp <33333
i'm gonna try those green tea pill thingamajiggies. *yawn* i know, i'm so fascinating. I can't even stand it.
i appologize for such a boring blog.

hi mark! :)
how's teh wisssc?
differnut?!
;)
i miss you, fuck ass.

i see all. i hear all. i know all... usually. lol

i'm sorry bilbo. bearhugs as long as you don't break me =P

&....

thought this was funny (obviously?):









Karma is a MOTHER FUCKER.

its much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality...





just ignore the smoke and smiiiile!

OKAy. so i was unfortunate enough to see the [supposed] britney spear sex video
(which i am NOT going to link here.) and.... i lost what little appetite i may have had previously. the most disturbing thing about it is the technique (?) that i have now dubbed "tongue fishing for penis"
i just.. want to puke and die when i think about it... *gag*

anyway, i stumbled apon a halarious flash video thingy on ebaumsworld:
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/strawberry.html
i saw this a long time ago, but seeing it again made me jump with glee (on the inside at least.. i ain't no sissy! hah.)

okay well that's all i have to say.
ta ta, for now.

so one day i can get the fuck away from here.

anyday now.

Its so easy to walk around
But, please don't let your fire
Melt my water down

I'll tiptoe around your head
Just don't look up cause
This scares me to death

For the first time
A stranger made me feel
A little less alone
A little more here

today has been.. off.
i've been drifting somewhere in between anxiety and exhaustion. yesterday i went to GED orientation. found out i'll be taking all my tests on Nov. 30th. god. help me. i'll be there from 9:00am-7:30pm. i'm freaking out. i'm afraid i won't know what i need to know. i don't remember anything from social studies. i'm worried my essay for language arts is going to suck.
then i remember to relax.. and breathe. and that i have about three weeks to prepare for it all.
i want to pass with flying colors. i want to make my brother proud of me, even if its not the S.A.T.'s.
i was sitting there waiting for them to call my name at orientation thinking about how easy it would've been to graduate. if i had just been more focused on that. god damn i wasted those years. a social life seems so trivial compared to actually being able to get an education. i'm a procrastinator. i've failed so far. :(
but i'm not going to think about the would've's and could've's. i'm going to try to do some damage control and get back on the right track. make up for all the time i've lost. my sister's in college. i'm so jealous. i wish i was in school. i care more about that right now than anything else in my life.
and i'm still wasting time.

but, i'll show everyone.
i can do this.

but its here and its not going away. its made it's place. i'm fine with it. even though it will destroy me. but who really cares anyway?

i am destined for failure
but the phrases will filter through
the doubt and lies
they weave fabrication
disinfecting what's condescending
pulling me away from my own disasters
pulling me up to chaos
but this is where i belong
this is my world and language
i understand the unpredictable, i feed
the particles bring some substance to this god damn catastrophe
and i swear someday i'll be different
someday i'll be myself
who i owe it to myself to be
who i've always been
for you, but then its already too late
i'll be lost, as i am now
and no one will be good enough
i'll spiral furthur as i always do
there's nowhere to go but down
and up all at once
i don't care at all
i'm brutal, i'm honest.
this isn't real anyway.
i'll wake up and everything will be nothing.
just as it always has been.

Something terrible happened today....

My sister recently got a little baby bunny. She or my niece, Gloria, named it "Poka"... for which i did not see fit. SO! i dubbed the adorable little fluff ball "FooFoo" because:
1) its fun to say
2) its cute
3) I FRIKKIN' SAID SO!!

..my sister decided to bring the creature with her whilst she visited us this weekend. she brought it in a cardboard box with paper shreddings and a baggie of rabbit food. just last night i was up in my room playing with the little monster. feeding it specially sliced carrots, letting it stretch its legs and hop around on my bed. i even nicknamed it "Twitch" because it kept exploding into these fits of what i asume is energy bursts.. or something. it even figured out how to jump out of its box. anywho.. all was fantastic...
unil this morning.
i remember my sister saying she thought the poor little thing's nose was bleeding and it could be dying. turns out my (four year old) nephew and my neice snuck it out of the bathroom (we put its box in the bathtub so that it wouldn't jump out and get lost in the house, somewhere), brought it into his room and sometime after that decided to hit it over the head with a Lincoln Log.
i do not think he was aware of the consequences of his actions.. he carried FooFoo to my sister and seemed sympathetic about the fact that it's nose was bleeding.

SO!...i was inbetween consciousness and dreamland... and possibley autism (but that's another story). i had trouble waking up due to the muscle relaxer my sis gave me the previous night. about 30 minutes later i became coherant enough and motivated to think about what she had said earlier and go investigate the situation.
i walk downstairs to see my sister holding little FooFoo as he/she gasped for breath.
my brother used to have a nanday conure that would fly into the window and exhibit such behaviour, so i was not alarmed. i thought it would come around and everything would be fine.
no, this was not true. evidently birds and rabbits are not the same (what?!??!). Larisa (my sister, duh.) said "i think its dying!" just as it started bleeding a little more from its nose and mouth. the gasping stopped. FooFoo became still.



the funeral will be tomorrow, due to conflicting schedules.
RIP little FooFoo. <3







On another note:
We went to a goodbye dinner (?) at Papadeaux. my brother Josh is moving to texas on the 16th, so we all wanted to get together again one last time till god know's when. it was nice. its always good fun when my brothers are around. they have the sense of humor that i've come to look for in people. my time is only worth being spent on people who can make me laugh.

i have reached mental constipation. i have nothing left to say.

blah.

same here

sadly, 90% of dreams i have where a penis is present.. it looks like that. =/ that can't be normal. and it scares the hell out of me.





Source: Post Secret (http://postsecret.blogspot.com)