so i got bored around 2am, surfing the web for a suitable mp3 player to hook up to my car because CDs perpetually fly around my car from the visor CD holder thingie at any given turn. followed, of course, by my chain of curses at them :P
so i pull into the parking lot and decide, as the freaks of the night emerge from walmart's doors, that 2am may not be the best time for a 20 year old female to be going into walmart alone. so i began to head back home.. but it was too soon to go home. wouldn't want to make a drive anywhere in vain, so i kept driving..
decided to roll down my windows, turn up the tunes & explore the wooded roads of kennestone mountain. ahh.. i forgot how awesome it feels to glide at 60mph down a 35mph
road lined with trees tall enough to block out the feeling that i am sharing this reality with anyone. fun, mind-clearing, and enlightening as it may be.. driving back into the scab on the face of the earth that is civilization filled me with resentment. i even turned BACK around and drove around once again. couldn't stand re-entering the bullshit pile. i confuse myself.. i do love downtown atlanta. sometimes i feel an urge to make serious plans to move myself closer.. then there's times like tonight when nothing would make me more peaceful than plopping my existance right down in the middle of nowhere and desocializing myself completely.
i am tired. i am weary. i've gotten a taste of the way of things and i am appauled at the thought that i should adapt to IT and not it to me. this is just not right. life was never supposed to be like this.. for anyone. good or bad. we are human. day by day that name loses its value. when did we lose our pride? our dignity? and where have they gone? maybe we can find them again and set things right.

till then i will aspire to seperate myself from the ugliness of this planet. go someplace where everything is beautiful and i can regain my childish optimism. i hold a grudge against all that scared it away.

fuck.