ah, i feel fanfuckingtabulastical (that SHOULD be a real word, dammit!). just got back from a.. oh.. 1½ hour walk, give or take. i'm no exaggerator, it clears the head and kills the stress. so yes, i think i mentioned already that i got laid off. i've been spending most of the last few days trying to find a new job with very little success. yes, today i had an interview with Starbucks but little miss pessimist doesn't want to get her hopes up. even if it was the funnest interview i've ever had. the chick was laid back and down to earth and (gasp!) capable of holding a decent conversation. hmm. didn't know people like that were still out there. i thought i'd found them all. nice when life throws little pleasant surprises one's way. so yes, i got home and wrote down
my little brain fart that i came up with on my pedal excursion. that's why i love walking so much. despite my shoes having their way with my feet (ouch :[), it ignites my creativity and i come up with stuff and am inspired to say things like "ignites my creativity" :P
lately i've been wondering why i have so much trouble showing this side to people. anyone. even close relatives and friends. the part of me i poor into this blog is a part of me i barely ever show anyone in person. people like angie.. i don't feel judged by angie. i guess that's why we always end up friends in the end. she accepts me and has that live-and-let-live way about her. i don't feel analyzed or surveyed so i'm comfortable with mentally crawling out from my shell. it's not that i have nothing to say, when i'm quiet. nor is it that i'm scared to speak. i'm just arrogant and don't feel anyone is worth sharing my thoughts with, because most people can't see past their own rectums far enough to be able to genuinely relate or even care.. I do so love to be appreciated. So yes, i think so highly of myself (just like the rectum people.. i'm just like them, yet i don't trust them? i must not trust myself then, either (pfft! i've known this). IRONY!) and want so much NOT to be alone in my ideas and notions that i keep them to myself because i'd rather be silent and an enigma than open and misunderstood. i am my own little paradox. damn, i love myself. :D i'm all kinds of schizophrenia and dysfunction.
anywho, back on topic.. there are others i feel that comfortable around, but their boys.. i never trust their intentions to be completely sincere. ravenous, plotting shitfucks. i agree, i am that great, but our reasons don't agree. ugh. i'm glad a good one found me.
oh i make little sense, but i explain my nonsense well! i think. i could go on and on about nothing for hours, right now. who's got the time to read it? :P