well i didn't think i had the best birthday, seeing as how i was the first to pass out and i've been ...off.. lately. but, this has been one of the best birthdays i've had, now that i think about it. so many people remembered. i heard from people i never thought i would hear from. it was very nice.
mentally, i've been quite a wreck for some reason. i'm starting to notice, i get this way every year around this time. maybe i have some seasonal anxiety thing going on. but i'm doing my best to keep myself in one piece and keep moving along. gets pretty scary..
but i'm still here & i'm not going anywhere.

anywho.. lots n lots has happened since the 17th of September (my brother's bday - fun fact :P) first off, my first day back from my vacation i got laid off. hooray! a few days later i applied for the same job at the competing company's office :) ha. take THAT you bastards! got a call from them an hour or so later then got myself an interview for this tuesday. i'm very excited.
second, angie wants to move in with chris and she's pushing it for this month. so i may very well be living back at my sister's house again. can't lie, i did kinda miss it. & staying at that apartment felt more like solitary confinement after a long mind-numbing day at work. so i think i'll have my head on a little straighter if i'm back around people. yeah, i did passionately LOVE the privacy and "me time" but i can still get that at my sister's place. i'll be paying rent. it's been almost a year since i've lived here. might not be much but i've come to find, i change quite frequently and a year has made a great bit of difference in me.
speaking of, i turned 20 two days ago. i do feel older than this time last year. i've grown up a lot. certain things about me are completely different. i'm more ....responsible? i'm not longer comfortable in a lazy rut, as i used to be before. i never wanted to grow up, but i'm not hating it. i'm so ready to take control of my life and get the ball rolling with everything that should have started long, long ago.
i genuinely hate this roller coaster ride. but i am on the best part of it. almost at the top, at the point where there's still gravity but you can see the peak coming. or is it the peak? i dunno. i just feel really content tonight. i do love change. *sigh*
damn.. i thought my life was getting fucking BO-RING! this is just what i needed i think. i know i'm crazy for being happy about losing my job and breaking a lease to move back into a place i didn't really like in the past...
but i dunno. i just have that "everything's gonna be just fine" feeling. it's weird. i don't think anything can get to me tonight.

& since i've written a novel..
i bid the world goodnight. :)