it's just this unsettled feeling. i'm too much. too much turmoil, too much emotion, too nerve-racked. not necessarily negatively, but rather chaotic. i'm not depressed.. no. that's not it. i'm not sad or angry. too back and forth. too sentimental, then the very definition of detached. too longingly, and then an escapist. decisive then flighty. what is going on? i'm not distressed about it either, perhaps being the oddest fact of the matter. i am here, then i am gone. i exist and this is real then i am not even a thought and everything is just the moments before consciousness when you can't really distinguish dream from life. argh. i recently considered the very possibility that i have hit the manic peak of the roller coaster. yes, that must be it. i will just sit back, scream my lungs out and enjoy the ride this time. not much to lose now & i have everything. what a paradox. :D