my mind gets foggy and i lose sight of it all. but then a night like tonight rolls around and it all comes flooding over me again. i realize. i remember.
sitting there on the stairs, feeling the first chills of the changing season.. can't say i've ever looked at the sky, while consumed in the clicking of autumn creeping in, and felt so alive. don't get me wrong. i love the change ...the leaves.. like waking up to the smell of winter like that of breakfast downstairs in the home of existence.
but i tend to equate fall with death. in it's little bittersweet ritual of slowing down the scheme of things. it gets cold. trees go bald and reveal their skeletal bodies. i guess i've even looked at my breath in the cold air and wondered if maybe a little bit of my soul had just slipped out and floated away.
oh no, not this time. i don't think i have ever felt like the earth was coming alive at this particular time of year. maybe i just got bored of looking down. i'm actually EXCITED about it! usually i feel everything is winding down and these are my last few weeks before i shelter myself indoors and away. this time it feels cozy. like i don't want to hide away for it. there's still something going on.
i got on here and just randomly wondered if there are other people in marietta who blog as much as i do..have..
came upon a pleasant little realization: people aren't necessarily as stupid as i presume them to be. i'm glad i was wrong. i can be one hell of an arrogant little egotist and i don't mind being brought down to size. its nice not feeling overwhelmed by stupidity. maybe i'm more understood than i thought. who am i? no one special. why would it be hard to understand me? who am i to set myself higher than a city of strangers? maybe i'm just like you.
why am i so calm? what brought this on? finally the balance for which my sign is ASSUMED to have at all times. big misconception. more often than not i am NOT balanced. up and down and back again.
but tonight i think i glimpse a center. surely if i rush, it will be scared away. nope, one minute at a time. let's see where this goes.