the best mariangela.

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Monday, November 6, 2006 i didn't ask for this but its here and its not going away. its made it's place. i'm fine with it. even though it will destroy me. but who really cares anyway? i am destined for failure but the phrases will filter through the doubt and lies they weave fabrication disinfecting what's condescending pulling me away from my own disasters pulling me up to chaos but this is where i belong this is my world and language i understand the unpredictable, i feed the particles bring some substance to this god damn catastrophe and i swear someday i'll be different someday i'll be myself who i owe it to myself to be who i've always been for you, but then its already too late i'll be lost, as i am now and no one will be good enough i'll spiral furthur as i always do there's nowhere to go but down and up all at once i don't care at all i'm brutal, i'm honest. this isn't real anyway. i'll wake up and everything will be nothing. just as it always has been.