i've begun a crusade. i'll show the world.
no, i'm sure you have no idea what i'm refering to.
of course you wouldn't. i've dug deeper into the realms of my mind than i even knew existed. and for the first time.... i'm fine. if not excited.
i'll never tell, but you'll see. i'll show you.
i'm more insane than i've ever thought. i'm so fine.
suck me in, deeper. faster. consumed.

i fucking love this state.
regurgitating my thoughts, that were ever so clearly irrelevent. but that's okay.
vivid. aware. shrinking into the doubt of doubt, i've got a hold and i won't let go. for ANYTHING. this is my own. this is my ultimate.
it's nothing in particular. a place i go. i don't WANT you to understand.
yet, know i AM not aware.
you may leave. whoever you are. i've got a hold of myself, till death do any combination part.
no doubt, there are two of me. the side that knows better. that's afraid. that cares.
then there's the side that tempts to risk it all. to dive head first into the deepest darkest fog that nothing good can penetrate.
what am i becoming? what am i leaving behind.
everything.

you have an idea? you have NO idea. you haven't been here.
i'm in HEAVEN disguised as hell. but i can trust it.
you don't understand.. good. how i like it. turn your head and don't ask questions, because you'll never get the best of me. i'm kicking and FUCKING screaming.

i just can't get enough.
the anxiety. the worry. i FEED off of it. it fuels the fire that keeps me alive.

i will probably become more and more confusing from here on out. this is merely a form of release. i won't slip. enjoy.
however, if you think you've got me all figured out, throw me your best.fucking.shot.
i'd LOVE to hear it.

but, from here on out, no matter what you see, hear, think or believe...
Mariangela. Angela. whomever you know me as...
no longer exists.

i'm sorry.
but then again, if you disagree.. i bid you an easy fairwell, as i have bid myself.
only one will hold my attention.

hahah you must be so confused. :)
answers will come, in time.