so i'm sitting here... pleasantly buzzed. thinking about many things beyond my control. yahoo is constantly disconnecting. Larisa is talking to Jon on my phone... god knows what about. Foo Foo is munching on his toe.
i am realizing... life might not be so bad. i'm not sure i was ever thoroughly convinced that it was.
i've been having a lot of flashbacks from south carolina today.
i found a girl on myspace.. i was sure she was Kayla. but, no. she was not. i wish i could find Kayla. she was great. i always got along with people younger than me for some reason. i guess that is still true.
i remember we would go to the creek almost everyday. trying to catch minnoes and tadpoles. god. i wish i could go back. even further to my first day in public school.
3rd grade. i'd heard of public school before but never even set foot on a campus. those days.. oh.. golden.
how exciting everything was. even though most of my classmates didn't like me. i assume because i didn't really think to care what others thought of me.
i was never used to the idea that i should be aware of what people around me thought. i just assumed i was accepted among them as i accepted them. but no. it's a sad, superficial world, unfortunately. oh well.
what was i talking about?

life isn't that bad. i am just completely opposite when i am even slightly intoxicated.
that is sad. i guess i have too much of a guard up whilst i am sober to enjoy the simple things in life anymore. god damn it.
i am emotionally masochistic. i get bored when the ripples in the water settle.

LAME.

i need a new layout for this blog. this one is so not totally me so it just will not do. i guess i shall spend the next hour or so perfecting my CSS coding, thus proving i am the layout QUEEN and i know everything.
gotta love my ego :) i sure do.

night world!
xoxox