i feel a little down. i don't really know why. maybe it's the exhaustion. maybe it's this song. this song has always made me a little emotional. at first it was good, but these days it's that depressing song i listen to when i just want... or need to feel. if that makes any sense.
i miss so many things. but i don't want to say. i don't want to be pitied or thought of as weak. maybe i don't deserve it more than any other girl.
i'll stop.

Jon texted me this morning to tell me that he's quitting drinking. (yea right) but i'm his moral support, so i'll go along with it. i kinda consider him a drinking buddy, but his health is more important than my having a good time. there are other ways of having fun. he texted me at around 3am i think. i texted back at 6am to say "good for you" and he called me. shit-faced. lol. guess it was his last ...whatever.
i feel so bad. i know how he feels about me. whether it's real or not, it's there. so it matters. i know he's a great guy and deserves to be happy. but i can't be the one to make him happy. i wish i could, i'm tired of hurting him. i don't know if there's anything (other than just putting a stop to all communication between him) that i can do to stop it. i don't want to stop talking to him. he's been a great friend, and i do believe he is genuine. that's not a common thing.
there's so much drama in jonesboro. god, things have changed. those were probably the best years i've had... so far. i am nostalgic about it, but i refuse to live in the past. i just want to feel happy like that again. sometimes i think i am. but, tonight is just weird.
eh, i'll get over it. i always do.
it just sucks that the world doesn't look the way that it used to.

c'est la vie, i guess. =/

goodnight world.